At least once a week someone e-mails me saying that they're doing a project for school and 'Can I have some biographical information.' This page was created just for you!

Unfortunately my life so far hasn't been very exciting so feel free to make a bunch of extra stuff up. Maybe you could say I was a lion tamer or the former Prime Minister of Botswana...

 

1972
Born on December 26th 1972 in Tufnell Park, North London.

I was the youngest of four kids. Del was a typical big brother (sometimes a complete git, sometimes my best friend…). My big sister Jenny was my favourite because she was sixteen years older than me and used to buy me Lego sets. My other sister Diane left home when I was two, so I don't have any childhood memories of her.

1976
My first school was St Johns Upper Holloway. We had lessons in different kinds of stuff. There were kids I liked and kids I didn't and yada, yada, yada.

1983
Mauled by escaped panda at London Zoo… actually that's a total lie. But when I got to year seven I did change schools to Acland Burghley (www.aclandburghley.camden.sch.uk).

1984 & 85
The best bit of school was years eight and nine when my school closed down to have asbestos removed and we all had to get coaches to another school for two years. At the same time all the teachers kept going on strike.

The combination of strikes, traffic jams and coaches not turning up was manic and we got about two days of school per week. Instead of school I'd spend all day hanging around houses trying to set high scores on our state-of-the-art Atari VCS games consoles.

1986
By 14 I'd decided to either be an architect, a photographer or a writer. When I looked in the careers guide and saw that it took seven years of training to become an architect I thought 'bugger that' and concentrated on the other two.

1988
I got my first Saturday job working in a Jessops Camera Shop. This put me off photography, so I saved up my wages to buy a word processor on which to write my first novel.

1989
I bought my word processor. Unfortunately everything I wrote sucked, so I gave up after three months and settled on being an unemployable bum.